I like to think I've always dressed nicely in a style that is mine without being crazy wild or too staid. "Fresh Classic Twist" is how I'd have described my style most of the time. No sweatpants out of the house for me!
When I reached a point in my career that I was able to afford it, I invested in quality clothing and had some pieces over 10 years and they still looked beautiful and were in great condition. I have a gorgeous white Christian Dior suit jacket from Paris that is as beautiful now as the day it was purchased, and thousands of days have passed since it was purchased. Even though it no longer fits and never will again, it still has place in my suit closet.
As I began the journey of this new life, which I love, appreciate and enjoy so much, a metamorphosis took place that I was not expecting. At least not all of it.
First, I started buying via consignment, which I love, to buy both quality and single season pieces as I shrank in size. I had to have clothes that fit, I wasn't going to start being a sloppy mess as I lost weight. Then I started buying clothing on steep discount, sometimes missing out on something I'd really like to have, but knowing it would only fit a few months, I could not justify the investment and so I made the choice to be wise with my spending until I achieved my goal weight and size.
Quickly, I realized there is no goal size. I stood in a dressing room trying on three brands at a nicer department store and ended up buying a pair of pants in 6, 8 and 10...each fit me just right but designers sized them differently. Okay, I can learn to live with that. I simply sound like a young child learning to count by twos when asked what size I wear.
But I did achieve that goal weight. The weight I am comfortable at, am able to go 5 lbs either direction and not be too thin or fall into the overweight category. The clothes I have purchased fit fine with the swing in weight either direction as well and so when I spent a few months at this size I realized I could go back to investing in quality clothing again.
Which is not to say I said farewell to deep discounts or consignment, those were new habits I learned right along stopping before feeling full and hydrating the goodness sakes out of myself on a daily basis. But I started spending money on quality pieces again. Pieces I should be able to wear for the next decade and beyond. St. John, Ralph Lauren Black label items, Pendleton woolens and Burberry and I will even admit to spending more than my fair share of time visiting items at the local Hermes boutique. You get the picture. It's a most delightful sickness!
The first 46 years of my life I enjoyed new clothing, sure. I even created with my own patterns and trusty sewing machine certain pieces I could not find in my size back when anyone larger than a certain size was robed in a caftan...because those are 'slimming'.
I also had a solid, and quite comfortable, habit of wearing things over and over and over. I rarely got kudos on anything I was wearing. I'd get a compliment tossed from time to time, but nothing like what I have had happen with the new me. The new me has the woman at the Chamber of Commerce calling a colleague of hers from the back office to come see my dress when I picked up packets for fellow workers. The new me has boutique owners calling me when new items arrive because they know I'm like a junkie needing a fix. The new me has people asking what I am 'all dressed up for' when I am out running mundane errands. Gosh, just today I had a man in a home improvement store stop and ask me where I got my jacket (Lilly Pulitzer) because it looked so great on me.
I only have a few things left in my closet I have not worn before. The flutter of tags has nearly come to an end. Out of nearly 400 items, I am down to less than a dozen I have not yet worn. And some I need to wait until warmer weather or a surprise trip to the tropics. And I hate that I am not overcome by new, new, new! I love the rush of that brand new item, outfit, ensemble being put on. I like not wondering if the people I am going to see have seen me in that before. And I do not need A N Y T H I N G. Nothing can be justified as even slightly needed right now. I really don't have the space to store them any longer, either.
Tomorrow I'm going to dinner with two couples I have such a good time with, my husband has such a good time with and I'm dreading getting dressed to go out. Why? Because what if one of those four have seen me in what I pick to wear before? What if I wore it better the last time? What if I don't get that WOW that I am so addicted to now? I spent so many years being quasi invisible that I really and truly appreciate when people compliment my clothing and how I look. And when it is fresh and new and wow, I love it even more!
And while I generally consider myself a thoughtful, considerate and caring person who is very aware of social issues and the needs of my fellow man, this is the very shallow beach entry through which I access the deep end of the pool of self and humanity.
I do realize that no one is cataloging my clothing the way I am, keeping track of what I wore and how I looked and if I am *gasp* wearing something again, but it is chafing me. I never understood how all my lean and beautiful friends could fling open closet doors or walk from one end to the other of huge walk-ins and say they had nothing to wear. I think what they meant to say was that they had nothing NEW to wear. And I get that. I get that so, so deeply...which is ironic because it is so shallow.
There have been mostly positive realizations on this journey. Some have been painful to work through emotionally and have taken extreme work with my therapist to resolve, release and move forward from and to simply record as something that happened, not that is happening. There is a tremendous difference. But there have been those darker moments. Moments where I had to take responsibility for my actions, regardless of what others chose to do. Moments where I had the choice as fully mine and realized I had not really made the best choice for me and it had kept me from being the best I could be. And then this. This totally shallow and ridiculous thing that I've finally come to realize and don't like, but have not figured out how to deal with just yet.
The good news--while I am not sure what I will wear tomorrow, I WILL be wearing something and not going naked in protest of "nothing to wear". But I need to work through this branched path I had not foreseen in my journey. If I ignore it, I know it will only become a bigger and bigger issue. But I am not really sure how to tackle it, either. I am sure my therapist will have all sorts of fun with this one!
Are there things that you have changed in your life that had an unexpected result that you then had to work through to move forward?
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