Sometimes others are the mirrors we need most

I went to a running clinic at a store about an hour from my house. I had been in my running gear since I pretty much live in it now that I am running twice a day until I hit my rest day prior to the 200+ mile relay race I'll be participating in less than a week from now. Eeeeck, that is scary to even realize! Yes, I am excited, but when I signed up I did not think the date would get here so darn fast!

Anyway, I took the time to shower, blow-dry, 'put on my face', a fabulous outfit and jewelry galore! Heck...I even wore my gold coin belt!  Arrived and the other people were in workout gear. I told the woman I had called when I made my reservation to ask how to dress...from work or from gym and had been told 'from work'. So effort...I made it!

She could have just said she was sorry and let it go. But then she made a comment that ALMOST made me walk out. She said "I thought it was sort of a no-brainer to come to a running class dressed to run. I mean, how difficult is that?" Ummmm, WHAT!? Excuse me? I must admit, 5 years ago she'd have gotten dressed down in a way I practically specialize in but the kinder, gentler, more mature version of me simply imagined slapping her silly instead of doing it.

And I spent the first half of the class stewing on her bitchiness. I did get some good information and realized that 90% of what she was sharing, I do already so I was feeling good about myself.  But it was REALLY clear that she considered herself the smartest person in the room and that she knew everything.

Then it hit me, almost with a physical force. I AM THAT PERSON! I really do suffer from know-it-all-itis at times. And when someone WANTS to know what I know...that is fine. But I am aware and realizing that there are times I need to zip it and let others speak. That if I am highly confident in my statements, someone who is thinking through and not fully confident might feel shut down by my 'disease' and then it is not just ME that suffers from it...the conversations around me suffer from it as well.

She might have been a self-important alpha girl and I could just be annoyed by this, but truthfully, I'd rather learn from her and follow the old saw of...if you cannot be a good example, at least be a good warning! :)

My nutritionist shared her belief that pasta should only be eaten by those looking to gain weight and that if I were ever in the position of needing to bulk up/put weight on, to have some pasta. That gave me a lot to think about.

Raised on pasta I was. Though in my family it was noodles. And you had it with red sauce.

My husband was raised by a first generation Italian and pasta for his family has a breadth and width I did not know to be possible on any topic outside of the universe at large.

Removing pasta from our pantry, our fridge, our lives...it wasn't going to be easy. But then we started talking about what we loved about pasta and realized very quickly....it wasn't the pasta. It was the sauce. The meat. The (for me) clams. The spinach. The cheese. The ooey, gooey goodness. But when we waxed poetic about the pasta dishes...pasta really wasn't mentioned. So that gave me amazing hope and ideas!

I don't really have recipes. I have always cooked with some of this, some of that, and when someone asks me how I made a certain dish I usually talk in esoteric terms of 'until the dough is just past gooey' and so as I deconstructed these pasta dishes, I paid closer attention to the ingredients and what really made them sing at the table.

One new favorite is Mockzanya and it took my 18 year old three mealtimes to figure out there was no pasta in it. I think so often, the reality of what we expect often fills in the void of what isn't there. Like all my 'recipes' there is a lot of flexibility to make it a bit more this, a bit less that...so please just use this as a guide and feel free to find your own expression of YUM with the things that you enjoy most in lasagna...less the pasta!

8 oz fresh ricotta
2 fresh eggs OR 5-6 tablespoons egg substitute
1 tablespoon dry Italian seasoning
1 Vidalia onion, chopped and cooked until at least translucent, but I prefer them caramelized with some pink Himalayan salt
1 cup cooked, drained ground meat. I use a mix of fresh ground pork and lean ground beef from my stash.
Sauce of your choice--I mix it up between Alfredo, Marinara and Clam
1 cup of shredded cheese--I like 6 cheese Italian blend, but any good melting cheese will work fine

Beat the ricotta, egg and seasoning together. spread into an 8x8 casserole dish OR portion out into individual 1 cup casseroles (should make 6)/ Mix the ground beef and onion, layer it on the ricotta mixture and then layer the sauce and cheese. Freeze, keep in fridge up to 2 days or bake in 350 degree oven for 20 minutes.

Some variations I like are...
Sauteed spinach
Chopped garlic
Crumbled bacon
Shredded chicken
Sauteed red, orange and yellow peppers
Shredded zucchini
Diced, sauteed eggplant in lieu of meat

So tell me...what have you tried and loved in this dish? Do you prefer a full casserole or individual dishes? I tend to think the individual dishes are just fun...and an easy way to have portion control!

Stash building, part II

So as I said, the stash is three things in the fridge. Makes my life very easy to eat well and not feel chained to the cook top!

The other great one to have on hand is bacon. Good ol bacon!  But really great bacon is not quick...easy, technically, yes...but TIME intensive.

So here is how we make bacon at our home and it gives me time back a few times a week!  I buy the all natural, uncured bacon from Earth Fare that has been humanely raised. I won't buy any bacon that came from sows in gestational crates. It can't simply taste good or be inexpensive, it must be humane, too!

We buy 2 pounds at a time and use the largest, deepest cookie sheet we have and line it with super absorbent paper towels. Then I lay strips of raw bacon from one end to the other, as closely as possible without overlapping and then there is usually space for two or four pieces perpendicular to the others and fully fill the face of the pan. Then put a layer of paper towels over the bacon.

Put this paper towel trifle in a 350 degree non convection oven. I have used a convection oven and the bacon was a bit too dry and did not have the same finish at the end. If you like yours almost 'breakaway' when you bite, then convect away. But I like a small bit of bendability. If I need it crispier I can quickly accomplish that later, but mostly I like it so that if I put it in a wrap or eggs or salad it doesn't explode when I bite, but has some chew in it. I remove the top layer of towel, let it cool completely and then store in a baggie or reusable container.

I check it at 20 minutes and then every 5 minutes after that. The strange thing is, sometimes it is ready at 20 and sometimes not until 35 minutes. Same oven, same temp, same cook, same brand of bacon...but there is a variance. Keep that in mind when you are making anything. It can be so different when all is generally the same!  My mother in law used to 'accuse' me of not giving her my real recipes for certain family favorites. But even when I made them at her home with her watching...things turned out a bit differently.

Be kind to yourself! And go make some humane bacon!

Negative Self Talk

Some people say that negative self-talk is just that…negative. 

But I don’t fully agree. 

If it is going to help you make a better choice to realize that you don’t want a negative end result, then that is a very good thing. I like how I look in clothing now. Correction, I LOVE how I look in clothing now. I am glad to have my picture taken. Heck, I seek out opportunities to have my photo taken! I walk in rooms without wondering who is asking who the fat person is or silently thankful that it is me, not them, that is the largest person in the room. 

And sometimes not so silently. 

I actually had someone tell me that once. To my face! 

They came up with a bit of excitement on their face and gushed out that they were so glad to see me walk in because now they were not the biggest woman in the room. I wanted to strangle them. I wanted to twist their thumb around on a broken joint so it looked like they were the perpetual Fonz. I wanted to cry and run screaming from the room. But since none of those were possible, I simply feigned ignorance at their cruel comments and said, as sweetly as a frosted Paula Deen baked good….”Oh honey, not everyone can be fabulously statuesque like I am. God loves his little people, too!” and walked away with as much of a regal air as I could muster and keeping myself from crumbling into a pile of sobbing mess.

Last winter we had a few days of no warmer than 9 degrees. Cold that sunk into my bones and stayed there until I was wrapped well in a hot blanket or standing in a nearly scalding shower for an extended period of time. But I still ran. I told myself how unhappy I’d be if I skipped my run, and how lazy I was being due to some cold weather and that any excuse would do!  Then I’d get myself out there in three layers of pants and run. And you know what….I never once regretted that run in the freezing cold. In fact, a few days when I said I was only going 4 or 5 miles I instead did 5 or 6. I had admonished myself in a good way and the result was a positive one. 

So yes, if negative talk is going to break you down then it is a bad thing, but when it makes you realize that there are better choices out there…I think it is actually a real positive to have some negative self talk!

No destination, just the rest of my life!

So one of the things I have become amused by now that I have hit my goal weight is how many people think it is a license to just undo all I have done. 

When are you going to cut loose and just eat a pizza?

Don’t you want to just devour a cake?

You are thin enough, go ahead and have ___________!

So, if I had said I was moving to London and got everything packed and organized and bought a new flat and settled in and had a party to show off the new place and meet new neighbors, at the end of the night would people ask when I was moving back to the US? Would they drop off empty boxes and rolls of tape thinking surely I’m heading home the next day? 

Not likely.

But when my journey has been one of change and self improvement and, most importantly, self awareness…people think I’m just going to undo it all because I reached the goal.

I ran my first half marathon May 18 of this year in Greensboro. It was magical. Wonderful. Thrilling. Exhausting. Limit Pushing. Fabulous. I finished with a time of 3:00:54 and while I really wanted a 2:59:59 or better…I can live with 55 extra seconds in my first half. 

Still sweaty and glowing and thrilled I was met by a family member who after congratulating me said “Well, now you can give up this running and go back to normal life.”  Emotional gut punch.

Running IS my normal life. 

I don’t know how I ever made it 46 years on this planet without it.

Running is the community of friends I have made in the 2 years I have been in my new town. Running club meetings and races are things I look forward to the way I used to look forward to my birthday as a child!  

Running is the true constant I have. I can travel anywhere in the world for work and hit the road. I have discovered fabulous new places to explore during the day by running by them when dawns early light has not quite risen. I look for races in towns I know I’ll be in for the Saturday or Sunday before the work week begins and sometimes will stay an extra day for a race on a Saturday morning after the work week is done. I look up where the local running stores are and find out if they carry my beloved Quest bars or if I need to bring a hefty supply with me. 

Running is the 24 hour a day therapist I have on call, just lace up and go.

Running is the weight management tool I love best.

Running is the freedom to not be on the phone, doing laundry, schlepping kids or pets, tied to social media or anything else that normally pulls at me. It is me. Alone. On the road. Sometimes I run with friends, but the majority of my miles are solo if not in a race. My thoughts or blank mind…my choice…my run!

And so I continue on this journey, which I expect to last as long as I am on this side of the grass. I guess I don’t have a destination, no place at which to arrive and simply ‘be’, and that is okay. I can keep running on this unending journey to good health and fitness. 

And if I can keep running, then nothing else matters today.

13.1 or Who's on first...and when a half is a whole

I ran my first ever half marathon in Greensboro, with the 13.1 Race Series. 

The race was a personal triumph and I loved to tell people about it. But I found a funny thing happened when I shared it with others, even other runners! It is my own personal version of a beloved Abbott and Costello skit!

First time, I was in a running store getting new shoes. I let them know that I needed to break in shoes for my next half. 

Him: Oh...what was your last half? 
Me: 13.1 in Greensboro.
Him: Right, but what race was it?
Me: 13.1 in Greensboro. May 18th.
Him: Sure, all half marathons are 13.1, a full marathon is 26.2, so it's really just the math.
Me: Right. I know. Thanks.
Him: So what race did you run?

I finally pulled out a picture of my medal and showed him. It was the 13.1 Race Series. 

I got a discount on my new Asics GT-2000.

Next time I was wearing a shirt from another race that had been a 10K and a half while I was out and about. The person in line behind me at the checkout asked if I had run in the race on my shirt. I beamed and replied that YES I HAD!

Her: How far did you run?
Me: A half marathon.
Her: How long is that?
Me: 13.1 miles
Her: Wow, that seems really far. Are they always that long? 
Me: Yep. A half marathon is 13.1 because a whole marathon is 26.2
Her: Oh, so you didn't finish? That is too bad! Maybe next time.
Me: I did finish. It was a planned half. My goal was to do the half.
Her: Well, you look like you can do the whole next time. 
Me: Thanks. 

I have heard plenty of people say they 'only' ran a half and I realized that some people see it as a negative...they wanted to run a full marathon and did not, for whatever reason. Or that it is less of an accomplishment because it is a half and perhaps by the name alone, it doesn't feel complete. But I refer to it in a way of 'only' just to clarify that it was not a whole because there are people I know who would then start telling people that I was running full marathons and that is not a good thing. So by choosing the 13.1 Race Series as my most favorite races to do a half (and they truly are!), and spreading the word (and math!) of a half being the WHOLE race. 

It is still a pretty elite group, 1.85 million people finished half marathons in 2012 and the total US population is roughly 314 million. 

Less than 1% of the population can say I FINISHED A HALF!! And they SHOULD be shouting it out...I sure do!!  

To all you half runners--YAY FOR YOU! It was the WHOLE race and if you finished, you rocked it. If you didn't, then here is support for next time...because you WILL!  

Join me in Roanoke on March 1, 2015, won't you? 

Saddle up!! Cowboy chili is for dinner! And bonus--how to start your stash habit.

Finding an easy to make, tasty ‘go to’ meal that is as good the first day as the third day and can be frozen and then heated again isn’t the simplest thing to do. But I have come up with a few that fit that bill as well as being high fiber, low fat and high protein!

Cowboy chili is one of them. My husband and boys love it and so do I and I can get it into the oven in less than 10 minutes and have the table set and salad made by the time it comes out all hot and bubbling with cheesy goodness!

1 cup of beef/pork from your stash (haven’t made a stash? Check out information below!)

1 can of chili beans (we like mild, but any of the seasoning levels are fine)

1 can kidney beans or black beans, drained. I tend to go with whichever I have on hand

½ cup SHARP cheddar cheese.

Mix the first three ingredients in a bowl and pour them into an 8x8 casserole dish OR 6 individual ramekins. Sprinkle cheese over the top and put in a 350 degree oven until the cheese is bubbling. Remove from oven and allow to sit for a moment or two. I sometimes stir in a heaping teaspoon of sour cream into mine, but not always. Depends on the day.

If you plan on freezing, do so before cooking but it can be frozen after cooking. I will also use it on low carb or high protein chips for a nacho meal, put over a salad for a twist on taco salad or even scramble with an egg for a nice kick to start the day. 

So the stash….this is the true secret to quickly cooking so many of the meals I make!  Once a week, for me it is usually a Saturday. Really depends if I have a long run that day or not, sometimes it falls to Sunday. I take equal parts ground pork and ground beef OR ground mild breakfast sausage and ground beef and cook them together, being sure to mix and crumble well as I go. Then I let it sit for about 10 minutes and then I drain off all the fat I am able to do. Then I take two paper towels, line a very fine colander/sieve and allow the meat to drain off more fat into a bowl for about 30 more minutes. I sometimes get a ¼ cup of fat off this way in addition to what the paper towel absorbs. 

I don’t mind eating fat, I think it is actually good for you, but I want to enjoy it…think avocado, butter and whipped cream on a latte. Not extra fat in meat! Sure, you can do JUST beef, but try it with ground pork or bulk sausage just once and I think you’ll wonder why you ever just did beef before, too!

Then I store it in a container in the fridge. Makes pulling off a meal SO simple! Think of all the times you have to make ground beef here and there for recipes. Having it ready to roll is just SO wonderful. I can make a single serving item and it’s a great way to not automatically have leftovers when you don’t want them! It is a great way to make larger scale meals when you do want leftovers. So win/win!

The stash is three things…this is one of them. The other two will follow soon!