The very best run I've ever had. It was GREAT!

The day was perfect. 65 degrees, slight breeze, sunny but not blinding me. My pace was perfect, each step was light and I was in flight beautifully. My Garmin was letting me know that I'd finished my seventh mile and I knew that I would get in nearly 10 before I was home based on where I was, deep in The Cascades. The air felt so marvelous on my skin, my breath in through the nose, out through the mouth felt silky and perfect, my arms swinging beside my body and encouraging me on. It felt nearly effortless and I found myself laughing at the pure joy of the run.

And then I woke up.

The week before my surgery my husband took me to Athleta and encouraged me to buy a full price outfit that I had been coveting. "For your first run after your surgery, something to look forward to!" I bought the top and bottoms and have looked at them longingly, lovingly more times than I can count. They are on the top of the dresser where I keep all my running gear. I look forward to the day I can actually wear them. But in my dream I had them on.

I woke so incredibly happy, my soul was soaring with joy, I was actually laughing out loud as I came into consciousness. But then I realized where I was and I was so incredibly disoriented because the dream I'd emerged from had been so real, I had to get my iPad out and look at the date. I immediately realized it was just a dream, though so fabulously real and it made me cry for a moment before I went back to sleep.

My healing is going well in some areas and slower than expected in others. There is still one final surgery that is a possibility. A horrible, awful, painful and difficult to recover from surgery. We won't know if I will have to have it until what I can only presume will be another painful and humiliating test in front of several people has taken place. I know they cannot assess the continued need for it until I am much further along in the healing process.  When I asked at my last appointment about when I might be able to jog again she said it might be premature to look at dates until I was truly healed and not disrupt any progress.

The idea that I might not get to run again, if the surgery was not successful enough, if my healing is never complete enough--which is a possibility--makes me cry a few times a week. I know that in the big scheme of things there are far greater problems in the world and the people standing in line to trade my troubles for theirs would wrap the earth like an 80s belt...big and wide...but to me this really is a huge and important part of my life.

Walking 52 feet from one end of my house to the other exhausts me, the idea of running 13.1 miles again seems surreal...but I want it to be real again, so badly. And so very soon. But I can't be my normal rush, rush, rush self. I have to wait and let tissues bond, strengthen, heal and learn how to use my new anatomy and be fully tested and cleared first.

The good news is, I sleep much of the day and get to spend my time dreaming and in my dreams I often find myself on the road, in my new outfit, on a most perfect day and having an incredible run. And this I know...no matter how short, how slow my pace, how hot or cold the day....that next run WILL the very best run I have ever had.