I have for many years used the word bittersweet to describe so many moments, but recently have had to use it to describe a change I don't want, a change I have fought tooth and nail against, a change that frankly I'm just exhausted and unable to keep my head up and above the water any longer without making. And I'm bitter about it and praying that whatever sweetness in this situation is there, will soon show itself in great bounty.
Movers will be here in a few days to clear out my beloved little Love Nest and move everything back to The Big House. After sinking every dime we had...and quite a few we didn't have...into updates and renovations, we've not had a single dignified offer. Over a year of paying for two homes and only using one has taken a huge financial toll and seems beyond wasteful.
My husband and I had a fleeting thought of renting The Big House, we surely could, but much like we could never have sent our boys away as newborns to be raised by strangers, we can't turn over this newly reborn house to be ruined by strangers, either. Any scratch in the floors, any mark on the glass of the shower we've never even used, any mar on the paint that cost more than the first car I bought myself, one drip of oil on the driveway that cost more on the first car we bought our child...it would slay us and we'd be THOSE landlords and no one deserves that.
We love the Love Nest. The simple life. The smaller footprint. The easy small town living. The wonderful, precious friends we have made. The new life we have forged for ourselves here delights us.
And we are leaving.
Telling friends has been heart wrenching. Some have been angry. Some have been hurt. Some have simply seen it as a moment in time. People have, in an effort to help, openly second-guessed our decision...but at the end of the day, it is OUR decision and no one else's...unless they want to buy our other home, which we will gladly sell!
Because I love my job, the first thing we did was a cost/benefit analysis and then a chart of pros and cons of each decision and then weigh the value of each. The answer was clear. Waterford crystal clear. Renting the Love Nest was an easy option and wasn't going to give us the emotional hit in the gut that renting The Big House would.
Other than our bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and dining room we are completely changing how each of the other 11 rooms will be used. Because we totally dismantled my beloved studio and we're not going to reinvest in scrapbooking furniture or cabinetry again, my husband is turning it into a massive man cave. He is actually excited about that. A little more excited than I ever imagined and I think he's enjoy the giddy feeling from that just a bit.
I'm using a former guest room as my office and I'll have an amazing view of the golf course from tee box to greenway and thankfully kept much of my home office furniture in storage. We're going to have an exercise room in a former child's bedroom and we'll buy a dreadmill so on the very hot and very cold days we can run, but it that will hopefully sit mostly unused. We're going to get a Total Gym at some point and we're excited about that.
We love, love, love our neighborhood and neighbors and so there is that bright sterling lining to this dark storm cloud that we just can't seem to shake with this house right now. I preach to people all the time that when God doesn't want to open a door, you can bang on it all you like, it isn't going to open. Or, if you DO force it open, you may find yourself in a place you truly do not want to be on so many levels. So maybe this is Karma, Kismet, God's hand...whatever you want to call it, that we return to Charlotte and leave Mooresville for the time being. Who knows what is in store for us beyond tomorrow? We can guess, but we do not know. And I think our ability to accept that will allow us to transition with grace and dignity and at least the feeling of choice....though truth be told, our choice would be to sit at a closing table and sign away our rights to the house and hand the keys to the three beautiful new entry doors we had installed front, back and side over to them to start making new memories for their family. So we'll be on the market until the last day of September and if someone hasn't chosen to call it home for their family by then, then we'll continue to call it our home for who knows how long.
For now, we will start adding more memories for our family. And I know they will be sweet.
No comments:
Post a Comment