I'd like to say surprised me, but that would indicate that I understand it fully and am no longer marveling at the fact that I am actually pleased when I did not expect to be. But it's a good kind of surprise, like flowers for no reason, so I'm okay with that.
The surprise is that I really do feel a deep serenity, a calming peace and a full sense of thankfulness for our move back to Charlotte. I wasn't happy, at all, with the move initially. It was a 'had to do' not a 'want to do' and let's face it, there are very few things that fall into the first category which turn into things you are happy about. This move however, is a wonderfully delightful exception.
Two weeks ago today we had the final moving truck (yes, three loads in a large truck!) being packed and moved from the Love Nest to the Zoo and got the call that our Aunt Geri was not answering her door and was expected for church. I hopped in our pick up with my younger son and sped towards her home, cutting nearly 20 minutes from the normal drive time and thankful the police had others to pull over in my quest to arrive as quickly as possible.
It felt so wrong to enter her house with the key, but as I made my way room to room and then found her, cool to the touch, on her bathroom floor, I knew the lives of my family were about to change dramatically. And they have.
Even now, with her viewing, cremation and funeral over, it feels wrong to let ourselves in both uninvited and unannounced. To go through her things and help my father in law as the task of emptying her home gets underway. It was her wish, expressed countless times, that her home be sold quickly after her death. I think she didn't realize how tough it would be for us to do so, but shoulder in the yoke we are all helping empty the contents, decide who gets what and what goes to donation or the dump. She was a hoarder of all things and perhaps the greatest lesson I've learned this week is that I need to let go of more 'things' than I already have and not leave such an onerous and painful task for my children one day.
Each night for the first week and more sporadically now, we've taken dinner to my inlaws. We've comforted my father in law who is bereft as well as my mother in law who has known Geri for over 60 years. My husband and I have arranged the funeral and taken on as many difficult tasks as we can to lighten the load for my in laws who are more fragile than I've ever seen them before.
We are moments away instead of more than an hour. It doesn't matter what time we're needed, the vexing lake traffic doesn't factor into our arrival or departure. We are enjoying our home tremendously with just the two of us and like koi from a backyard garden to a large lake, we've happily grown into the 'new' space in a very different way than we'd utilized it before.
I am so thankful to be close and able to assist with family support and love. I am happy that we are overcome with peace about the choice we made and are embracing the 'new' that has sprung from our 'old' and finding the platinum lining to storm clouds that are feeling ever further in the distance each day.
Things are very different in this home--no dogs upstairs--but we spend so much more time outside with them in part, due to that. We have a different kind of quiet and respite at home. We are getting to explore the new shops that have opened around us as well as the favorites we'd missed after the move.
One of the last conversations I had with Geri was her telling me how very tired she was, how glad she was that we'd be close to help with Paul and give her some additional company. That she knew it wasn't our top choice, but let me know it was most definitely a happy change for her. And perhaps I'd not have fully realized the joy in this move if the status of things had all just stayed the same, but in the shake up of our lives, we certainly love the fact that we're settled in close and comfortable...right where we should be!
Serenity, peace and thankfulness are mine.
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