About a dozen years ago I was experiencing some
gynecological issues. I was overweight at the time. I was clinically obese, but
always self-identified as simply ‘overweight’ which was still true and didn’t
seem as ‘actual’ as obese. Obese somehow conjured visions of 600+ lb people and
I was half of that, but could not see how deeply into that description I fit.
The doctor that I went to, a highly recommended OB/GYN, told
me that the majority of my troubles would go away if I ‘simply lost 30 lbs’ and
I felt shamed into seeing my issues as a result of my being overweight and so I
did not pursue with another doctor or push back on that being an unacceptable
answer.
Fast forward a decade, I was 172 lbs lighter and the most fit
I’d ever been in my life and still experiencing most of the same symptoms, some
much more so and because I started running, some of them were becoming more and
more problematic. I sought the advice of my new OB/GYN, also highly
recommended, who this time told me I was simply old and without using the words
said to suck it up, buttercup. And I didn’t like that answer, returned a few
months later and had another exam and was told the same thing. I just felt like
it was a moot point and found ways to live with it and presumed it was just my
lot in life.
Then I wanted to have some cosmetic surgery and met with
three surgeons. Told all of them of the same symptoms when they went through my
medical history and two of them just nodded along and one said that was not
acceptable. Encouraged me to pursue again with a specialist and wanted a clear
report before he’d do my surgery. I was fortunate to find a urogynecologist who
was again, recommended, and while I felt like I had to jump through all manner
of hoops to actually be seen—I do believe an audience with the Pope is easier—I
did make it in about 6 weeks later.
That visit was the first of many which put me on a very
different path than I had expected.
I learned that so many things I had happily celebrated over the
past 25+ years were really cause for concern. I have stories of previous
surgeries that I always tell with great pride, glee even. Up walking, pain
free, without a single stitch or tear less than 10 minutes after delivering the
biggest baby born at the hospital that year.
Back at work after 4 days on one shoulder surgery, 5 days after the
other. Full release from PT in half the time expected.
Those were all examples of my connective tissue being
extremely lax and not having the tone it should have and are a key reason I am
about to undergo five surgeries next week and a very strong possibility of a
sixth once the healing is well underway of the first round.
The sad truth is that I was not given good medical care
because of my weight. I did not press the issue because of shame that was
attached to that weight. Being looked in the face and being told that it was an
issue of my own making due to being ‘grossly’ overweight took away all my
power. That was actually the last GYN visit I had for a decade. I didn’t want
to be shamed further and knew my problems were not going to be corrected until
I was down that magical 30 lbs. Then when I lost the weight and then some and
reached an ideal body weight, I was told I was simply old—advanced age was how
it was put—and again, not given quality care. My slim self felt more empowered to
press for a better answer, but even that second visit didn’t result in anything
but an uncovered visit through my high deductible HSA plan and a nice 300$ plus
expense for me.
Having a doctor from another discipline require clearance to
move forward was an incredible game changer for me. Pressing for an answer to
get the surgery I did want led me to a group of surgeries I wouldn’t wish for
anyone…and yet I am still so happy to be having this done at long last. That
these problems have persisted for so long and the answers I got were so totally
unacceptable bothers me on so many levels.
How many women are getting
inadequate care every single day in the US? Why with what is supposed to be
‘great insurance’ and ‘excellent doctors’ did it take a cosmetic surgeon
requesting an ‘all clear’ letter for me to get any action? What if I didn’t
have a bunch of excess skin that I wanted gone? How long would I have had this
go on, untreated, and worsening week to week?
The exam I had a month ago and
the exam I had recently showed marked deterioration and reinforced that surgery
was the only option. Five surgeries when if this had been addressed when I first
presented might have been only one or two. Five surgeries on a high deductible
and out of pocket plan when before I had exceptionally good insurance and would
have met my max expenditure by the extremely invasive and painful tests alone.
Five surgeries with a much more difficult leave of absence situation than I had
at the point of initial complaint.
Some of this makes me so angry. Mostly
though, it makes me terribly sad. Because I had someone to encourage me to be an advocate for
my health and how many women do not? How many women are told they are too fat
or too old and to live with something they shouldn’t have to live with? These
are questions I may not even want to know the answer to as that might make me
beyond angry to realize just how broken health care is for women.
I go under the knife in less than two hours and have a very long road ahead of me, I will be documenting my progress here at key milestones.
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