I sometimes
think that there are amazing similarities of the people in my life, that we all
do things pretty much the same and that there is a kinship, a bond, an unspoken
understanding that it is simply the way things are done.
And then my eyes
open and I realize that was a dream and the reality is quite different. Here
are the top things I have come to accept as my way and that they differ greatly
from so many that I know and love.
1) Ironing.
I don’t just dislike ironing…I simply don’t do it. Put a gun to my head and I
could not tell you where my ironing board or iron are…or even if they made it
in the move to the new house. Seriously…if you have a dryer and a moist towel
OR a dry cleaner who offers pressing only service, what on earth would compel
you to stand there and iron? In my opinion, if ironing were one of the possible
sentences for crimes…our prisons would be a lot less crowded!
2) Freezing meat. I am always amazed when someone tells me they
will not eat meat that has been frozen. I rarely have meat that has not been
frozen! I also cook the majority of my meat
from a frozen state, meaning I am not a defroster. I defrost any ground meats,
but whole cuts go in the oven frozen, cook a long time on a low heat and are as
moist as can be and virtually effortless on my part.
3) Brushing my teeth in the shower. I really
dislike brushing my teeth at the sink. Cannot begin to explain why, it is just
what I do. I also run my Sonicare twice, one full time for the top, one full
time for the bottom. And if Sonicare were ever to ask my opinion on a dual
timer brush where you could elect to double up the time with a simple
click…they’d hear a resounding YES, PLEASE!
4) Driving fast. I have a few friends that I
know for a fact I make nervous on the road. Not because I am dangerous, but
because I am fast. I like to hit the highway at 70 mph and zip down that on
ramp pretty darn quick. Except when I had my Prius. It’s been gone several
years and my family still talks about how I went into granny mode when I drove
it. But hey…the point was exceptional gas mileage, so I was doing my best to be
a hypermiler!
5) Animal rescue. I have long wanted to
raise a puppy, but I feel compelled to find the grown dogs that need a home. So
we’ve gotten mostly older dogs for the past 15 years or so, however we did get
a teen hound in 2013 and that was fun…but did not quite fulfill that puppy lust
I’ve been suffering from. I might need to foster a pregnant dog and her pups,
but I am not entirely sure I can give the pups up, which gives my husband a
chill to even think about.
6) Putting my marriage before my kids. FOR
the kids. My husband and I have a very parent focused marriage, always have. I
see kid focused marriages and they mostly make me shake my head. One, a lot of
those friends then feel lost when their children fly from the nest. Two, there
isn’t a lot of him and her time, just a lot of mom and dad time and there IS a
difference. Three, I see the majority of those people finding themselves
unfulfilled in their relationships once the commonality of the children in the
home and the endless coordination of their lives is out of the mix. Four, my
job is to raise ‘em and get ‘em out of the house but my job is to stay married
to my husband until one of us is on the other side of the grass…so I am putting
the energy I have into the marriage first and the result of that is good for
the kids…so win-win!
7) Eating foods my grandparents would
recognize as food. I try to eat as little packaged food as possible. Which is
not to say I don’t enjoy a Rice Krispy treat now and again, for I surely do,
but if my grandparents could not buy it when they were children, I have to
question if it is anything I want to eat and of course, taking out the
geography. If the fact that mango was not part of the average California grocer
selections in 1925, but readily available in other places, that is fine. Pop
Tarts? No thanks! Same with bread that will go weeks and weeks without molding.
Blech!
8) Giving feedback, receiving feedback and
not being overly dramatic about either. I figure either someone can tell me I
look amazing in the puce pantsuit or they can tell me the truth. Same in
reverse. If I care about you enough to call you a friend, love you enough to
consider you a dear friend…I would not let you leave the house in said pantsuit
without at least saying something. And sometimes it is more than pantsuits of
course, but still because of that like/love I feel for you.
9) Roots and wings for children are a good
thing. They are also good for the parents of said children. But they are not
necessarily easy. I had to realize that letting go and not battling through
some things that I felt were absolute musts for my children and pushing one or
both of them was the equivalent of the old saw “Round peg, square hole” and so
while I pray in earnest that I did in fact give them the roots of being good,
decent and contributing human beings, the wings I have come to learn need to be
on their own migratory path and not the ones that I had envisioned for them.
Knowing that they always have a strong oak in which to nest with their dad and
I is key, but if they are bent on being out on their own then like the Arctic
Tern, I must be able to let my own fledglings fly the nest and not direct them,
but allow them to be guided by their inner GPS and simply hope that they will
return from time to time and check in. Caging them with my own wants and
desires…they will always be searching for ways to escape and never again return
to their captor. But being able to land in the nest as needed and leave as
desired…that is the secret to a happy adult child/parent relationship. And yet
it is not easy for me. Which leads me to my final awareness of self in the here
and now…
10) Realizing I don’t know nearly as much as
I thought I did and ironically, learning more though that realization than just
about anything else in my life. By opening myself up to say “I do not know” it
gives me an opportunity to learn, to take in new information and to discover
some pretty cool things, meet some amazing people and have experiences I might
otherwise never have had.
What are your
realizations of things that are different for you than those around you?
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